Building blocks, community, and vulnerability.
The team I am currently on – Team Sozo – has been labeled “the fun team.” We are all adventurous and loud and like to laugh. From the very start of our time together, we have been warned. A lot of times the “fun team” ends up being the team that isn’t very fun to be on. So we were challenged to move out of our comfort zones, talk about hard things, and fight for each other.
We just finished month 3 of Team Sozo and I am super proud of us. We’ve pushed into the uncomfortable. At training camp, one speaker said, “you will lose every battle you fight in the darkness.” That is so powerful to me, and has rang true on the race. What I love about Team Sozo is we have really fought to bring things into the light and encourage each person to do the same.
But…things haven’t exactly panned out the way I thought they would. A pattern I’ve noticed with this team is we bring things into the light, but more often than not we end up sinking back into the dark to fight individually.
So, yes, let’s bring thing into the light…but how the heck to you fight in the light? I have a lot of experience fighting things in the dark – I just get stuck in my head and try to internally fix things on my own until I give up and look to God. But how do you practically fight things in the light? In community? In unity?
I was honestly getting really frustrated and wondering if this whole “vulnerable” thing was really worth it. Why does God want me to tell these people my struggles and weaknesses if nothing ever changes? Is it worth it? It seems like I always end up getting hurt, feeling unseen and judged…
So, I asked God to help me see. I prayed for His eyes. I prayed for His perspective. And voila.
God led me through a conversation with my teammate that brought me some clarity. I think we’ve wrongfully assumed that we mastered the building blocks of community and have moved on to try and tackle the big hitters (pride, humility, unity). What are the building blocks, you ask? Love and grace. Ah yes, the words we’ve heard a million times over – easy to say, hard to put to practice.
God asked me, “Is it possible that you think (incorrectly) that you’ve mastered love and grace? That it’s not something you need to focus on?” Begrudgingly and with a bruised ego, I admit CRAP YOU ARE RIGHT. I have moved on from Community 101: Love and Grace and tried to graduate to Community 201: Pride and Humility, when I have failed every single test from the first class…
There’s a Bible verse that God seems to bring up in my head daily – Romans 12:10 – it says to outdo one another in acts of love. Then God asked me, “Em, forget outdoing…is your team even bare-minimum loving one another?” Ouchie. I definitely am not.
What I see in our situation is that we took the advice given to us and started tilling the ground. Tilling is the process of plowing the soil and getting rid of all those hard chunks and things that make it hard for seeds to grow. If you don’t till and prepare the soil, the seeds are gonna struggle to grow. But what I see in our team, is we till and till and till and till and till. Maybe a seed or two get planted, but then we till that up too.
Honestly, I could be tilling forever and ever and ever amen. But God doesn’t want us to do that. He wants us to till and prepare the soil…but not as an end in itself. We prepare the soil – not to be perfect – but to be able to produce fruit. Spiritual fruit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. God plants those seeds, but if all we ever do is plow and criticize and point out flaws…those seeds will never grow.
Once you till the soil and plant the seeds, what is next? Time. I think this translates into real life as literal time and also grace. In community, the people around you will always be imperfect. They will never have perfect soil, or perfect hearts. God asked me another great question, “Em, if this team never grew, never solved any problems, never got better…would you have the same amount of love and grace for them?” Uhhhh…definitely not. Oh how badly I wish I did, but honestly I don’t.
Soooo what am I taking away from this?
First, don’t till forever. Yes, search out your heart. Yes, bring your struggles into the light, speak them to friends and community. But once you’ve done that, let God plant some dang seeds and don’t expect overnight results! Don’t expect results in a day, or a week, or a month. Change and growth (the kind you want) start at a heart-level…and you won’t see that in someone else. It’s not your job to make the seed grow. So, give it time, give it grace. Trust that God is doing His job.
Second, seeds need nourishment and water!! Encourage the heck out of people! All the time! Everyone needs it! Everyone! Not just the person who says they need it, not just the person who looks like they need it, EVERYONE! If you don’t know how to encourage people here are some things you can use
1. Hey, that took a lot of courage to share that. Your bravery encourages me.
2. I love how you look to scripture for truth. Remember that the Word is always true and never comes back void.
3. Friend, I know you want to grow in this area, but I want you to know I love you exactly where you are. You don’t have to change or grow to be loved.
4. Hey, I love you.
5. I love how aware you are of your struggle with this, but know that God will do the work in your heart if you surrender it to Him. You are exactly where God wants you to be.
6. I read this verse and it reminded me of you!
7. Hey, I’ve been praying for you, how are you really doing?
8. If you feel weak and like you can’t handle this, YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE GOD WANTS YOU TO BE! He says in the Bible that in your weakness His power is PERFECT. So if you feel weak or overwhelmed, guess what? You’re probably right in the middle of God’s will!
I know, I know…these are so cliche and you’ve seen or heard pastors say them a hundred times. But I promise, people want to – neeeeed to – hear them.
SIDE NOTE: Love languages. These are great and I encourage you to get to know the people around you and love them in the way they like to receive love. But I want to warn you – do not put people into a box and do not put yourself in a box. You might not have the perfect thing to say or know the right gesture to offer, but sometimes the action in itself is all people need to see your heart – that you care enough to do something. Worse comes to worse, buy them a balloon. Everyone loves balloons. End side note.
WATER THOSE DANG SEEDS.
Third, CHECK YOSELF, BEFO YOU WRECK YOSELF. Check yo heart. I don’t know your heart or anyone else’s for that matter (let’s be real, 9 times out of 10, I am too prideful to see my own heart clearly). Ask yourself, do you have grace? Does your love for this person cover their weakness? If they tried their dang hardest, prayed every day, did all they could to grow – but nothing changed – would you still love them the same? (even better, ask God to reveal this to you)
Community is hard. But community without grace is FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE.
Truth AND love.
Growth AND grace.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3. Without love, we are nothing. Without love, we gain nothing.
It turns out, that I will never EVER ever Ever EVERRRR graduate from Community 101: Love and Grace. I will be retaking those tests every day for the rest of my life. And that’s okay. God has enough grace to cover that – for me and for you. Maybe my job is to bring things into the light and cover it with love and grace. Maybe it’s God’s job to fight.
So, I will rest in God’s grace and pray that my grace looks more like His.
Love y’all,
Em
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